my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
