his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
