a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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