honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
