i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
