You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
