I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
