The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
