hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My breasts were aching with rage.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
