I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize