Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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