well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
