Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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