I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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