i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
