i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
