You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
