The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
