By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
