Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Pants are for mortals
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
