he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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