let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
