Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
