come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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