When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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