I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
