Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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