its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
