Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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