you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
