So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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