Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
