the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
