I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
