did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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