it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
