Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
