he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Still dying that you shit outside
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
