So drunk its hurt
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
