She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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