Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
