i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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