I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
