There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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