I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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