i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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