This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
