He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
