Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
