the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize