Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
