He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
