Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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