..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
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Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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