He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
