I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am spending my child support on dildos
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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