I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
