Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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