Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
