so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
