you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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