The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
