you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
