you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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