I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
