You're so nebulous sometimes
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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