I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
