I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
