1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize