GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
