Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
