Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
