Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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