It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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