I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
