i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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